One leg of the Journey is Over and a New One Begins

I made it through my last round of chemo without any complications. No fevers or more hospital stays. My counts came up just a few days before Christmas and I was able to enjoy the holidays with my family. Praise God! One leg of the journey is now over and a new one has begun. My treatments are done and now I get tested monthly and seen by the doctor. My hope is to be back at work by February and to have my strength up. I'm still easily fatigued, but seeing progress. My hemoglobin was still very low on Dec 29th when I had my last visit to the doctors. That's probably one of the leading factors for my fatigue other than the fact that my body has had a beating for the last 6 months. Oh! and they pulled my picline out then too. Yipee! no more tubes hanging out of my arm :-)

I started my blog just over six months ago stating that this was my journey through the valley of Leukemia to the green pastures of remission and increased faith. Well, I'm in remission and my faith has definitely been increased. I have learned so much about my self, God, my family and my church. I won't begin to list all the things I've learned, but I feel that I have been truly blessed by this experience with Leukemia. I've experienced such love and encouragement from everyone that it has impacted my faith and understanding of God's love for me in such a way that words cannot express. I noticed the title of the Ladies Retreat my church does each year. This years title is " A joyful journey". My journey was a joyful one. Although this journey challenged my health, faith, marriage, children, family, work and ministry, I had a peace and joy in the midst of my trials. The journey through the valley of the Shadow of Death was not one without its challenges, there were wolves and robbers and rocks and difficult terrain and darkness, but those sheep could rest assure that their Shepherd was in control and they would make it through the valley to the other side where there was green pasture. The sheep that knew their shepherds voice, obeyed and stayed close to the shepherd experienced peace and security. The sheep that were skittish and wondered off easily experienced fear and confusion. Each of us have a choice to choose to get to know and trust God through our journey in life and experience hope and peace and joy even in hard times, which the bible promises we will have, or we can choose not to trust, to go it our own way and depend on ourselves and often experience fear and disappointment and hopelessness, like there's no end or way out when hard times hit us.

Do you like roller coasters? I've shared my passion for a good roller coaster. I've also compared our journey to that of a roller coaster. We can enjoy the ride or fight it all the way. It depends on your outlook. Is it one of fear or one of faith? What will we do when we are challenged with storms and trials? I must confess that I have my moments and I'm not super-human in how I handle the stress in my life, but they are that; moments. This is a daily discipline. It's a process. It does not come naturally. When I'm overwhelmed, I cannot allow myself to sit in fear. I must confess it and look up and be reminded of who God is, what He says He will do, and Who I am in Christ. I couldn't imagine how hard this journey would have been if I had allowed myself to focus on my fears or the what if's. It sure would not have been a joyful one. Praise God that he gave me the strength and wisdom to know that He is ultimately in control and that He loves me and works all things out for my good and His glory. This statement is true and what I believe and therefore will continue to live by it day by day. It needs to impact how I see every aspect of my life, marriage, children, family, work, ministry; that is the process part.

So my new journey has begun. Eat right, Uggh. exercise, and most importantly seek God first and slow down. This leg might be harder than the last. LOL

Love you all! Have a Blessed New Year!

~Edie

Last Round of Chemo update

Hi Everyone!
I had my last round of chemo in the hospital from the 1st thru the 6th. I came home late that Saturday night. Yipee! I was bored and antsy to get home and be with my family. I've been nutrapenic for the past week. So far no fevers and hospital stays. Thanks for praying. I should be out of the nutrapenic stage in a few days. I have a very low grade fever today. Please pray that I make it through without needing to go to the hospital. Uggh!! It has been great to be home this time. I've been able to see the girls and talk to them and be more in touch and available to them for whatever they need except for taking them around town. Jim gets that job. LOL

Thanks again to everyone who has continued to provide meals for us during this difficult time. The family has enjoyed them.

We had a healing service on the 7th at church and I managed to go before my white cell counts dropped. Prior to going God gave me Mark 10 in the bible. I don't have my bible near me so I can't remember the exact verses for you but its at the end of the chapter where the blind beggar asked Jesus to heal him. The blind man had faith the Jesus could heal. He asked for it. He got up from where he was and went to Jesus. Jesus asked him what he wanted, like He didn't know, but it was important for the blind beggar to ask. The blind beggar asked for his sight and His faith made him well. I believe God wanted to remind me that I first needed the faith, but also needed to ask. We sometimes wonder why God doesn't help us, but we never go to him in faith and ask. I asked that I would be able to stay home from the hospital during this last nutrapenic stage. Praise God ! Its almost over and I'm still home. I've never made it so long without a fever or needing to go to the hospital during this stage. Well, except for one early on. What a great God we have that he wants us to go to him with our needs and concerns. He wants a personal connection. This Christmas season be blessed to know we have a savior who loves us and is concerned about our needs and he was born on Christmas day!

Love,
Edie

Overwhelmed With Blessings

"Overwhelmed with blessings" was the title of the devotional I read yesterday. It really sums up how I feel. God has truly blessed me with a wonderful family and incredible friends. My brothers hosted a benefit dinner for us this past Saturday. I know many of you were there but for those who weren't and those who were, I want you all to know what a blessing it was to me and my family. There were about 250 people. The love and generosity that was given has touched my heart and overwhelmed me. It is still kind of surreal. Some of you have asked if the account is going to remain open. Yes, we are keeping it open for a while for anyone who might be led to donate. Thank you to all who made donations. I really feel blessed and loved my your support. I pray that you would be doubly blessed in return for your generosity and faithfulness.

This has been a good week physically. I'm feeling stronger and am trying to build up my endurance and nutrition in preparation for this last treatment. Please pray it goes well, with no complications. The last treatment is known as the most difficult due to how weak my body is going into it as a result of the previous Chemo treatments. I will be in the hospital for treatments from the 1st through about the 6th. I'm praying its my last inpatient hospitalization and I don't go back in when I'm nutrapenic. :-)

Many of you have asked me how I can be so positive, or not complain about having Leukemia. I have my moments, as we all do, but I always go back to the hope I have in Christ. There is no reason for me to fear life or death. I know that God is in control of all things, including me having Leukemia. I'm not saying he gave me Leukemia, but what I am saying is that He allowed it and is using it in my life for much greater purposes. God has been teaching me so much about himself, myself, and is working in the lives of others through this as well. I have even been able to encourage and minister to others as a result of the Leukemia in ways I never would have been able to. Here's the thing; If I die, I will be in heaven with my savior with no sorrow or fears, etc... He loves my daughters and husband and will take care of them and will use it for their good and His glory as he promises in Romans 8:28-29. However, I do not believe that is God's plan for me at this time. Rather, I believe he has a greater purpose for me to accomplish and that is living out my faith for Him in such a way that it brings others to know Him more. I'm sorry, but you will still be overcome with fear and anxiety about the stresses in your life unless you Know God. I'm not talking about knowing who he is but really knowing Him in a personal relationship like you have with your best friend. Many of you might be stressed out over finances, or raising your kids (teenagers especially) , your health or the health of a loved one, but whatever it may be, there is a God who says to cast ( throw) your burdens on Him, because he loves you. His burden is light. When I hold onto my fears and worries I'm sure to be overcome by them unless I ask God to take them. He promises to help you. He promises to strengthen and give you hope. He promises to protect and defend. He promises all of these things to those who Love Him. When you love God, you put him first. You say, I trust you and will follow you all of my days. You acknowledge that His way is better, He knows better than you. You stop looking at your circumstances from your small perspective and begin to see things from God's point of view, which is a much larger perspective. You begin to see His purposes and your peace that surpasses all understanding guards your heart against doubts and fears and worry. I have referred to many verses from the Bible. 2 Peter 5:7, Phil 4:6-8, Romans 8:28, Jeremiah 29:11, Isaiah 41:10-11, John 15: 5-11. I encourage you to look them up. Memorize them, think on them and let them comfort you or give you a new hope. This is where I find my strength. This is where I get my perspective on life and death and love. This is where I find peace in the midst of a storm or a valley of the shadow of death.

Be Blessed!
Love, Edie

Feeling a little better

Hi Everyone! Thank You for your prayers and support!
It's been a long hard road the last few weeks. I did come home on Tuesday, but I spiked another fever by that afternoon. The good news was that I did not need to go back to the hospital, because I was no longer nutrapenic and less at risk. The bad news was I was still stuck to my bed. I feel like I've been on a short leash and the furthest it reaches is to the bathroom and my bed. My back hurts and my chest is tight when I take a deep breath because my lungs haven't had a chance to fully expand because I've been stuck to my bed. My legs have needed rubbing so they don't clot. My fevers broke on Thursday. The highest it got on Thursday was 99.4 which is not bad. Today has been a good start. No fevers! I might even try venturing out of my house. I really need to walk around to let my lungs recover and gets some circulation going again. I think the hardest part is not being able to get things done and do things with the girls and needing to be so dependent on everyone else.
It has been a frustrating and sometimes scary time, but God is still showing me my issues of control and need to surrender to His will. That being said, I have full confidence in His faithfulness, His provision, and protection of my family, but its a daily reminding myself of the Truth of Who God is and What He promises to do. Its a that moment I can surrender and Know that God is good all the time. Its then that I am reminded that He is in control and I don't need to be, what I need to be is dependant on Him. There are so many unknowns and a variety of mini-crisis going on in my life but I see God at Work and its okay. Most of you know how music is a big part of my life. God uses it often to speak to me. Sara Groves has a song called "He's always been faithful". Its such a beautiful song I wish I knew how to put a link on my blog with that song for you to hear. There's a line in there where she says " this is my anthem, this is my song...." referring to His faithfulness, that is how I feel. I met Sara Groves once. I took Julia to see her in concert on her birthday. We were front row, it was awesome. I had a friend who was sort of related to Sara and we were invited back to meet her. She shared her life verse with Julia which happens to be mine so I have always felt a kindred spirit to Sara, her music really speaks to me. If your now wondering what the verse is, its Isaiah 41:9-10 You whom I have taken from the ends of the earth and called from its remotest parts. And said to you " You are my servant. I have chosen you and not rejected you. Do not fear, for I am with you. Do not anxiously look about you, for I am your God. I will strengthen you, surely I will help you. Surely I will uphold you with my righteous right hand."
Have a blessed Day!
Love, Edie

Another 'Visit' to Penn

Edie has been at Penn for a few days. She went in Thursday night and needed several pints of blood (since her hemoglobin was at 6) along with a few units of platlettes (since that was at 2). She had some type of infection in her mouth which she said won't go away until her counts come back up. Later in the day, on Saturday, they thought that she might have the shingles. I found out last night that it was not the shingles! She is in a lot of pain and the medication is making her sleepy. She was in a room with a pretty view of the city skyline. She is in another which she was excited about since she has her own microwave and exercise bike (which she commented that she wouldn't be able to use until the nausea went away).

She is hoping to come home on Tuesday to continue the recovery from this round of Chemo. Please keep her and her family in your prayers.
Respectfully, She is in 7008.
Faith

Home from the hospital

Hi Everyone! It's good to be home from the hospital. My stay was brief and uncomplicated. Everything seemed to go smoothly with the Chemo. My counts will drop sometime over the week-end and that's when I'll feel the effects of the Chemo. They say this round and the next one are more difficult because my body is so run down. Please pray for a fever free recovery without any complications. It takes about 20 days for my counts to recover, I'm counting the days and they haven't even began. LOL I hate having to stay put and being so tired all the time.
Tuesday night I stopped by Commerce to visit my friends from work. It was great to see everyone! The famous questions were "How was I feeling? and When was I coming back?" If I could be there yesterday I would. I miss work. I like what I do, I like the people, and the money is much better than collecting disability, which is like half your pay. Ugghh. I am really looking forward to recovering from my last round and getting on with life again. However, I do have some new perspectives, hard learned patience and a dependency on seeking God's direction for my life and not my own. I'm so stubborn and driven that I didn't even listen to my bodies warning signs that I was sick.
In life we can get so caught up with our own goals and dreams that we have side blinders to what God's goals and dreams are for us. We can pursue good things that turn into bad things for our health or marriage or kids, etc... because we focused on what we want and not the bigger picture. For instance; we could be driven to be financially successful, but in the race for success and financial freedom our relationships begin to suffer. We spend less time investing in the people in our lives; our marriage begins to suffer if not crumble, our kids begin to disrespect and detach and learn the independent way void of wise counsel and guidance, and we find ourselves with fewer friends, if we even have the time for them. Lastly, our own health begins to reap what we've sown and suffers as well.
I've been thinking about some of the goals and dreams I have and what to do develop them; A joy filled passionate marriage, Kids who communicate well and are educated and have a heart for following Christ in all the areas of their lives. Continued opportunity for youth ministry development and financial freedom. There have been times when the order of these priorities and goals where way out of sink. Balance is important, taking care of your health is important, daily following God for direction on how to accomplish these goals and dreams is extremely vital to the mission. If there is one theme I've gotten from God it is Relationships first. My first relationship is with God and all else filters out from there. Matt 6:33 But seek first His Kingdom and His righteousness, and all these things will be added to you." What was being talked about in reference to all these things, was the things I mentioned. What we worry about; money, clothes, prosperity, health, etc....But God knows we need those things, He wants a relationship with us first. Seek Him First and the rest will fall into place. Read Matt 6:19-34 for a fuller picture.
Love, Edie

Brief Stay at the Hospital

Hi Everyone!

Sorry I don't update more often :-( My computer has been on the fritz lately and I haven't been feeling the greatest either. About a week and a half ago I had low grade fevers that kept me in my bed. I didn't start feeling good until last Saturday. I ventured out to a fall festival my daughters school was having; I lasted about an hour and a half and came home and napped the rest of the day. LOL Since then I've been feeling better, just tired. I needed two blood transfusions when I got to the hospital for my Chemo stay, that would account for the tiredness :-) The Chemo is going well so far. My picline is a little irritated though. Please pray that it clears up so that they don't pull it again. Ugggh! I would hate to have another line put in. I only have one more round of Chemo in December. Yipee! The picline is important because its how I get the Chemo, but its also necessary if I get nutrapenic fevers and need to be hospitalized like I've been in the past. These next two rounds could be more difficult and all the more reason for me to have a line in. I will be nutrapenic by next weekend and it will not pass for about two weeks or so. Please pray that I make it through without fevers and needing to me hospitalized.

God is always teaching me something if I'm willing to listen. haha. I'm in a shared room and not the window side. The woman I'm sharing my room with is very sick with liver cancer. (Pray for her, she doesn't have a lot of treatment options from the sounds of it.) Okay, so my point was that when I first learned I was in a shared room, I wasn't happy. I can be a bit high maintenance. ( another humbling confession, LOL) I did not want to share a room or a bathroom. I wipe down the room and am crazy meticulous in my own room! How am I going to deal seeing someone else's specimens in the bathroom, etc....? I wanted out and then heard a small voice say to me that this will build character and I could minister to this woman. Of Course! I'm so selfish sometimes. I want to minister to who I want, when I want, and where I want. God calls us to join Him where He is at work. As I looked at how pathetic my thinking was I thought how would God be able to put me anywhere to minister if I have so many demands and special needs (comfort, ease, safety, cleanliness, etc..) Well, that's called stinkin thinkin. Anyway, its been a pleasure to share my room. I have tried to encourage this woman. I have shared my new diet with her husband, and I have prayed for her when I hear her suffering.

I don't want to miss out on anything God is trying to teach me. Leukemia has only been a catalyst for God to get at the real issues in my heart. Have you ever let God at the real issues in your heart???

Love, Edie