Sorry I haven't updated since the 12th, but I really have had a rough time of it lately. I came home from the hospital with my new picline on the 17th and then tried to prepare for Megan's 15th Birthday. I told her she could have a few friends over that Saturday the 20th. It was a great party, more kids that I expected though. I gave Meg a hard time of it, although I shouldn't have, everyone had fun and they were a great group of kids. I thought my counts would still be up and I would still have strength. I was more frustrated I couldn't enjoy it as much because I was weak. I was an idiot and raked for a few minutes Saturday morning and well... caused my pickline to begin leaking a little and that was the beginning of a scary time. Neutropenia came a little sooner and I need some transfusions on Tuesday. They saw my pickline and informed me if the redness got worse we would have to pull it and of course if I got a fever Iwas to come right into the ER. Ughh. From Tuesday night to Friday night I battled low grade fevers. I'm supposed to go to the ER with anything over 100.4 but the doctor let me slide knowing I did not want to be at the hospital. He raised the limit to 101.1 I actually hit that on Thursday, but drank a couple of bottles of water, called out to some prayer warrior friends and waited a half hour to check my temp. Praise God! it went down to 100.1 Yipee I stayed home and my fever teetered around 100.3 on Friday but by Saturday morning I was back around 97.6 . All week I ate nothing but whole foods, drank lots of water and took juice plus supplements. I guess there's something to this way of eating that made a difference. I stayed home and was able to fight off the fevers on my own. I'm sold!
In addition to being bound to my bed fighting fevers, I've been on an emotional roller coaster facing hard questions about what I've done with my life thus far; have I been a good mother? good wife? OOOOH they are tough things to look at and see my failures and wonder was there enough good. Natalie Grant's song the Real Me has been a comfort to me, and a good friend recommended Jim read for me Psalm 86. I had him read it over and over. You know the verse where Jesus says "deny yourself, take up your cross and follow me."(Matt 16:24) Its more like die to self which is very painful, but it promises to yield something more beautiful His work in our life and plan, which is GOOD. He Loves us and wants the best for us, just like we do for our own kids. I'm holding on to the more beautiful. I'm trusting that the vine dresser knows how to shape me into something beautiful, because he's cut off some of my branches.. even ones that had some fruit. (John 15) I'm going to follow His lead because mine hasn't always been good fruit. I can't promise it will be easy, but I'm pressing on.
Love, Edie
Monday, September 29, 2008
Friday, September 12, 2008
Third round of Chemo
Thank you for your encouraging comments about the Bald and the Beautiful. haha . It was fun doing it :-)
I'm back in the hospital with my third round of Chemo. There are two left to go. December can't come fast enough, but it won't be until January that I start getting my strength back. I was dreading coming here this week. I've experienced some nausea and tiredness, but the worst part was that I needed to have a pickline put back in my arm. Its a little traumatizing for me. I was taking a stand against it, but my doc and the nurse just had to remind me that when I become neutropenic again, its a serious time. If I get a fever and they can't get the meds in me soon enough over a pickline, that would not be good. People die during the neurtopenic fevers and I don't plan on doing that, God Willing. I do believe God has shown me an old way to eat, but its very new to me. The more I learn about Whole Foods Cooking the more I'll pass on or give you resources to learn what could change around so many health issues like Cancer, diabetes, heart disease, etc...
The past week was a bit rough and I was not up for updating my posts. I was taken further into the Valley of the Shadow of Death; figuratively speaking :-) But really I'm there. At first the fear was too much. I don't want to be broken, I'm not sure if I'm going the right direction. I know the Shepherd is reaching out for me, but it looks so dark and hard of a road to travel. The light on the other side is so far away. How do I do this? That's the first thing God answers, It's not your strength but mine, I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Light, rely on me and you will get to the other side and experience the blessings that have been waiting for you, if you want to come along and receive them. I have a choice to follow what I know is Right and best for me, why would I choose anything less. In my devotional for that day, I read Luke 5:5 Returning to your Failure , September 9th in the Experiencing God day by day , written by Henry Blackaby Here is a brief excerpt from it; "No one knows how to help you in your times of failure as Jesus does! He will not overlook your shortcomings or simply encourage you to do better the next time. He will give you victory in the midst of your failure.......................Jesus often gets you undivided attention when you fail. He sometimes takes you back to your placed of defeat in order to build something good into your life. You may assume Ye must not want you to continue because you failed so miserable in your attempt. Perhaps your problem was that you relied on your own strength instead of the Master's. Maybe you failed in a relationship. Jesus will not allow you to abandon it; He will help you learn from your failure and experience the difference He can make when He guides your relationships. Whey you try in God's strength, you may discover that success is indeed within your grasp. If you have recently experienced failure, you may be on the brink of receiving a profound revelation from God!" I closed the book and said "Shut Up" Why would I say such a thing? I'm very stubborn and God cleary spoke to my heart and was telling me I needed to surrender my heart to His, and I actually had to wrestle with it. Go figure! Just so you know, I'm not wrestling with it so much now, but its a hard process, like the refiners fire, or the gardener pruining their crop, or being carried through the valley of the shadow of death. There is a dying involved any way you look at it, but the end result is something Beautiful.
Love hearing from you all! Thanks for your support and prayers!
~Edie
I'm back in the hospital with my third round of Chemo. There are two left to go. December can't come fast enough, but it won't be until January that I start getting my strength back. I was dreading coming here this week. I've experienced some nausea and tiredness, but the worst part was that I needed to have a pickline put back in my arm. Its a little traumatizing for me. I was taking a stand against it, but my doc and the nurse just had to remind me that when I become neutropenic again, its a serious time. If I get a fever and they can't get the meds in me soon enough over a pickline, that would not be good. People die during the neurtopenic fevers and I don't plan on doing that, God Willing. I do believe God has shown me an old way to eat, but its very new to me. The more I learn about Whole Foods Cooking the more I'll pass on or give you resources to learn what could change around so many health issues like Cancer, diabetes, heart disease, etc...
The past week was a bit rough and I was not up for updating my posts. I was taken further into the Valley of the Shadow of Death; figuratively speaking :-) But really I'm there. At first the fear was too much. I don't want to be broken, I'm not sure if I'm going the right direction. I know the Shepherd is reaching out for me, but it looks so dark and hard of a road to travel. The light on the other side is so far away. How do I do this? That's the first thing God answers, It's not your strength but mine, I am the Way, and the Truth, and the Light, rely on me and you will get to the other side and experience the blessings that have been waiting for you, if you want to come along and receive them. I have a choice to follow what I know is Right and best for me, why would I choose anything less. In my devotional for that day, I read Luke 5:5 Returning to your Failure , September 9th in the Experiencing God day by day , written by Henry Blackaby Here is a brief excerpt from it; "No one knows how to help you in your times of failure as Jesus does! He will not overlook your shortcomings or simply encourage you to do better the next time. He will give you victory in the midst of your failure.......................Jesus often gets you undivided attention when you fail. He sometimes takes you back to your placed of defeat in order to build something good into your life. You may assume Ye must not want you to continue because you failed so miserable in your attempt. Perhaps your problem was that you relied on your own strength instead of the Master's. Maybe you failed in a relationship. Jesus will not allow you to abandon it; He will help you learn from your failure and experience the difference He can make when He guides your relationships. Whey you try in God's strength, you may discover that success is indeed within your grasp. If you have recently experienced failure, you may be on the brink of receiving a profound revelation from God!" I closed the book and said "Shut Up" Why would I say such a thing? I'm very stubborn and God cleary spoke to my heart and was telling me I needed to surrender my heart to His, and I actually had to wrestle with it. Go figure! Just so you know, I'm not wrestling with it so much now, but its a hard process, like the refiners fire, or the gardener pruining their crop, or being carried through the valley of the shadow of death. There is a dying involved any way you look at it, but the end result is something Beautiful.
Love hearing from you all! Thanks for your support and prayers!
~Edie
Friday, September 5, 2008
Feeling Giddy
I'm laughing at myself today. I can't believe I'm watching videos on grocery shopping and cooking whole foods and liking it. Thanks Heather for the resources! I bought Christina Pirello's book "Cooking the Whole Foods Way" and I couldn't put it down. She is a survivor of Leukemia. Her leukemia was even more aggressive than mine and she was given 9-12 months to live 24 years ago. She did not receive chemo but began eating a macrobiotic diet consisting of lots of organic vegi's and fruits. I feel so encouraged by her story which is similar to so many others that I've heard, particularly one in our church family, Beth Schroeder. I'm going over Beth's tonight so she can do a little show and tell with some of the ingredients and vegi's I've never heard of. I really don't cook to begin with so this is Huge for me.
As I mentioned, I also posted a couple of new pictures:-) Thank You Andrea Busam for your beautiful photography work. One is my bald head and the other is a wig I had made to match my hair cut and color before I lost my hair. I usually wear a baseball cap or go bald, but the wig is great for special occasions. I want to encourage other women who are either going through treatment or may some day find themselves diagnosed with cancer and fearing the mark of beauty; their hair. Please note BALD IS BEAUTIFUL. I've heard that said by a few. You can be bald and beautiful. First remember beauty is from within and shines out! My shiny head is glowing with a peace and contentment that God has placed from within.
I will try to stay updated again. I go back in for my next round of Chemo on September 11th. I've been doing some moderate exercise to try and help build up my stamina. This journey has been full of emotions, trials and laughter. Right now I feel I'm on the part of the roller coaster that drops and you through your hands up and laugh and scream all the way down. Maybe its the increased endorphins from exercise.... Maybe it's God!
Love You! Have a Blessed Day :-)
~Edie
As I mentioned, I also posted a couple of new pictures:-) Thank You Andrea Busam for your beautiful photography work. One is my bald head and the other is a wig I had made to match my hair cut and color before I lost my hair. I usually wear a baseball cap or go bald, but the wig is great for special occasions. I want to encourage other women who are either going through treatment or may some day find themselves diagnosed with cancer and fearing the mark of beauty; their hair. Please note BALD IS BEAUTIFUL. I've heard that said by a few. You can be bald and beautiful. First remember beauty is from within and shines out! My shiny head is glowing with a peace and contentment that God has placed from within.
I will try to stay updated again. I go back in for my next round of Chemo on September 11th. I've been doing some moderate exercise to try and help build up my stamina. This journey has been full of emotions, trials and laughter. Right now I feel I'm on the part of the roller coaster that drops and you through your hands up and laugh and scream all the way down. Maybe its the increased endorphins from exercise.... Maybe it's God!
Love You! Have a Blessed Day :-)
~Edie
Thursday, September 4, 2008
Quick Update
Hello Everyone!
Well, we enjoyed our mini-vacation at the shore. I did not go on the wave runner; though tempting. My body and mind aren't matching. I'm ready to go full steam ahead, but my body is a slow as snail. LOL... That being said, I have done some research and have been talking to several people about nutrition and recovery. I have found that this past round of chemo was more difficult than I anticipated and now I don't look forward to the next three. The recovery has been slower this time. There is much evidence to support nutrition as a very powerful resource for overcoming great odds and beating cancer. It will also help me recover quicker and provide me with more energy and strength through each coming round of chemo. The hard part is that I need to cut sugar out of my diet, and that includes white flour products. I also need to eat lots and lots of vegi's and fruits. Those of you who know me well, know how hard this will be for me. I love sugar. I'm a sugar addict. I start my day with a large coke from McD's and move on to tastey cakes! Don't ask me why I'm still moderately thin eating that way, but the last two years its been catching up with me. Obviously.... I have leukemia. So pray for me, because it is very hard for me to eat this way even though my life counts on it. I can't seem to get my brain to connect that I have a life threatening illness and I need to take care of what I put in my body . I still live like I'm invincible. .. Go figure.... Although there's something to be said about a positive attitude, there is also a healthy respect of life and its mortal realities. God is in control, but we should not take it for granted.. He has provided us with His creation to eat and take care of our bodies. Just because we trust God to protect or heal us does not mean we go and drink or do drugs or jump off a cliff..... We need to act responsibly and take care of our temple that He dwells in and live in obedience to God under the umbrella of His protection. This, I need to remind my self is very relevant to eating to live not living to eat.
TTYS Love, Edie
ps( I took some photo's of me bald :-) I intend on posting them as a way to encourage other cancer survivors that Bald is Beautiful and not to be discouraged when they lose their hair.. more on that later)
Well, we enjoyed our mini-vacation at the shore. I did not go on the wave runner; though tempting. My body and mind aren't matching. I'm ready to go full steam ahead, but my body is a slow as snail. LOL... That being said, I have done some research and have been talking to several people about nutrition and recovery. I have found that this past round of chemo was more difficult than I anticipated and now I don't look forward to the next three. The recovery has been slower this time. There is much evidence to support nutrition as a very powerful resource for overcoming great odds and beating cancer. It will also help me recover quicker and provide me with more energy and strength through each coming round of chemo. The hard part is that I need to cut sugar out of my diet, and that includes white flour products. I also need to eat lots and lots of vegi's and fruits. Those of you who know me well, know how hard this will be for me. I love sugar. I'm a sugar addict. I start my day with a large coke from McD's and move on to tastey cakes! Don't ask me why I'm still moderately thin eating that way, but the last two years its been catching up with me. Obviously.... I have leukemia. So pray for me, because it is very hard for me to eat this way even though my life counts on it. I can't seem to get my brain to connect that I have a life threatening illness and I need to take care of what I put in my body . I still live like I'm invincible. .. Go figure.... Although there's something to be said about a positive attitude, there is also a healthy respect of life and its mortal realities. God is in control, but we should not take it for granted.. He has provided us with His creation to eat and take care of our bodies. Just because we trust God to protect or heal us does not mean we go and drink or do drugs or jump off a cliff..... We need to act responsibly and take care of our temple that He dwells in and live in obedience to God under the umbrella of His protection. This, I need to remind my self is very relevant to eating to live not living to eat.
TTYS Love, Edie
ps( I took some photo's of me bald :-) I intend on posting them as a way to encourage other cancer survivors that Bald is Beautiful and not to be discouraged when they lose their hair.. more on that later)
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